...for you to attempt to dictate my spending priorities to me. How would you react if I made a similar statement to you?"
Response to: Debt repayment should be considered a priority and be paid as soon as possible.
This, after 8 months of me patiently waiting for him to finish reimbursing me during which he's had two vacations and bought a new car. Me thinks he is no longer taking his meds.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
And there's more
Three years ago the crazy man bought his 'ideal' car - a Subaru station wagon, all wheel drive. Granted it was used but even used it cost close to what I paid for my brand new Toyota Matrix. The Subaru, it turned out, was a lot of grief and extra expense as things kept breaking on it, such the transmission in the 6th week of ownership. I've no idea how much the thing has actually been driven by the crazy man as he now either bikes most places or takes Muni downtown to the studio post move to the Mission.
Hence my surprise when he mentioned that he would be going to Reno to pick up a new car. Initially I thought 'new to him' not brand new. Ahh, still naive you say? Or perhaps just wishful thinking that by getting rid of the Subaru and buying something used that he may have money left-over to cover his growing debt to me. Ha - as if!
A brand new Yaris was purchased, Subaru turned in to off-set price. Now, I realize that the Yaris is a very inexpensive car, gets fabulous gas mileage and is not suitable to a photographer with a whole lot of gear. Apparently, this is the 'around town car'...yes, that's right, the 'around town car' because of the gas mileage and the ease of parking. He takes the g-friend's Honda CRV for jobs however there has been talk of replacing this with the larger Honda Passport - duh, new of course.
Yes, that's right folks. The priorities are: vacations, new vehicles, and eating out instead of consistently meeting the legal obligation of supporting the children. Oh, and, all those times he agreed to shared expenses but couldn't pony up....
Hence my surprise when he mentioned that he would be going to Reno to pick up a new car. Initially I thought 'new to him' not brand new. Ahh, still naive you say? Or perhaps just wishful thinking that by getting rid of the Subaru and buying something used that he may have money left-over to cover his growing debt to me. Ha - as if!
A brand new Yaris was purchased, Subaru turned in to off-set price. Now, I realize that the Yaris is a very inexpensive car, gets fabulous gas mileage and is not suitable to a photographer with a whole lot of gear. Apparently, this is the 'around town car'...yes, that's right, the 'around town car' because of the gas mileage and the ease of parking. He takes the g-friend's Honda CRV for jobs however there has been talk of replacing this with the larger Honda Passport - duh, new of course.
Yes, that's right folks. The priorities are: vacations, new vehicles, and eating out instead of consistently meeting the legal obligation of supporting the children. Oh, and, all those times he agreed to shared expenses but couldn't pony up....
Friday, October 16, 2009
And the Wild Rumpus Starts
Clearly, it is mid-October. And those in the know know that things are particularly crazy mid-October through mid-March. This year will be no different and I can only hope that I am shouldering the brunt of it as I really want the g-friend to stick around for at least another year! True, this is purely selfish on my part but I believe that I am due.
Two or three weeks ago I was alerted that the crazy former mother-in-law was coming for a visit on the 16th (today) and, as it is technically my weekend, was asked if it would be okay for the girls to have dinner with her. No problem for me, details to arrive later.
It is the 16th. No details arrived. I initiated the call and got a mouthful of crazy - in short, there was no plan. Apparently, the mother-in-law, already in town, was not making her grandchildren a priority (not the first time either). A second call was required to determine that the crazy man and his mother would pick the children up from my house at 6pm-ish and return the girls after dinner. All that for two hours with their grandmother.
Fortunately my girls know crazy and don't have high expectations for either the crazy man or his mother. Their main concern is that they will be forced to eat icky food as their grandmother will only eat out at diners or chain restaurants. You know she only eats Kashi cereal otherwise.
Two or three weeks ago I was alerted that the crazy former mother-in-law was coming for a visit on the 16th (today) and, as it is technically my weekend, was asked if it would be okay for the girls to have dinner with her. No problem for me, details to arrive later.
It is the 16th. No details arrived. I initiated the call and got a mouthful of crazy - in short, there was no plan. Apparently, the mother-in-law, already in town, was not making her grandchildren a priority (not the first time either). A second call was required to determine that the crazy man and his mother would pick the children up from my house at 6pm-ish and return the girls after dinner. All that for two hours with their grandmother.
Fortunately my girls know crazy and don't have high expectations for either the crazy man or his mother. Their main concern is that they will be forced to eat icky food as their grandmother will only eat out at diners or chain restaurants. You know she only eats Kashi cereal otherwise.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Blessed be
Just got an email from the crazy man and, as predicted, he is moving in with the partner and her children as of June 1st. I sincerely hope that he has disclosed his financial status to her including that he owes me for two months of child support and shared expenses so that she fully understands what she is getting into. Bless her for taking him on.
Supposedly my youngest is fine with this 'transition' and he's hoping that eldest will return his call regarding this change in venue. To recap, the eldest has not spoken with him in months and she's a bit miffed that he's been loaning her books to the new step-daughter without asking.
The crazy man is also anxious to reduce the amount of child support he is supposed to pay based on his declining income - not increase it now that I have eldest full-time. Apparently he was not paying attention in court when the judge told a stay-at-home mom to get a job. I am confident this judge would dispense the same advice to the crazy man. Nor did he mention how his expenses would be changing with the new living arrangement....
It never stays dull for long!
Supposedly my youngest is fine with this 'transition' and he's hoping that eldest will return his call regarding this change in venue. To recap, the eldest has not spoken with him in months and she's a bit miffed that he's been loaning her books to the new step-daughter without asking.
The crazy man is also anxious to reduce the amount of child support he is supposed to pay based on his declining income - not increase it now that I have eldest full-time. Apparently he was not paying attention in court when the judge told a stay-at-home mom to get a job. I am confident this judge would dispense the same advice to the crazy man. Nor did he mention how his expenses would be changing with the new living arrangement....
It never stays dull for long!
Monday, April 6, 2009
The 'partner'
The first time I remember meeting the new girlfriend of an ex was unexpectedly on the street in NYC; I rallied my inner diva and performed a Tony worthy performance of "so glad to meet you". This morning I had the opportunity to reprise that role when I dropped the little one off for spring break with the crazy man. I knew that the 'partner' would be there with her children as they are all heading off to the Death Valley. The crazy man was quick to introduce me. I of course greeted them in kind and wished them well on their adventure. Then I got a look from the partner, who was less then warm, that could have been either 'omg what have I gotten myself into' or a reflection of the fiction the crazy man has spun. I'm hoping for the latter since, as you know, I've calculated benefits and risks for various time spans this relationship could last and I need her to hang in there at least through the summer; ideally this could go on for two or more years but I could deal if she can last until September!
Let us all pray that she hangs in there. Goodness knows he's in a better place at the beginning of a relationship.
Let us all pray that she hangs in there. Goodness knows he's in a better place at the beginning of a relationship.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Mixed messages
Aside from discovering that Wisconsin is halfway between SF and Maine (whatever) the crazy man has proceeded in sending additional mixed messages in regards to finances this week. First, there were statements about potential vacations (Camp Mather and Wisconsin) that we can all estimate would cost at least $2k. I then discovered that he had not deposited shared expenses on the 1st, as he's legally obligated to do, asked him when he might be depositing and got no response. Two days later I receive an email that his biggest gallery client is closing their doors resulting in a net salary loss of 34% with pie chart included. This was quickly followed by an email asking if we wanted to sign either child up for a particular day camp (um, with what money?).
Two weeks late, shared expenses showed up along with child support (on time). Included in his email was a statement that we need to discuss the expense of after-school care for Frances next year. The same fabulous program that she loves and has been going to since kindergarten that all her friends attend. You might recall that a month or so ago he suggested pulling her out of this program and putting her into a private school that would cost $15k more per year with no after-school care. I have been rearranging my financial landscape in the event this came up again so that some continuity can be maintained in Frances' life.
It is all quite maddening if I spend too much time thinking about it. Instead, I try to remember to chant the following mantra: 'he is crazy, I am not'!
Two weeks late, shared expenses showed up along with child support (on time). Included in his email was a statement that we need to discuss the expense of after-school care for Frances next year. The same fabulous program that she loves and has been going to since kindergarten that all her friends attend. You might recall that a month or so ago he suggested pulling her out of this program and putting her into a private school that would cost $15k more per year with no after-school care. I have been rearranging my financial landscape in the event this came up again so that some continuity can be maintained in Frances' life.
It is all quite maddening if I spend too much time thinking about it. Instead, I try to remember to chant the following mantra: 'he is crazy, I am not'!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Rack 'Em Up
It was a banner week with nine, yes 9 emails from the crazy man. The 3 mentioned in the earlier post then six more.
His response to my response regarding not adding his girlfriend to the pick-up list was that perhaps he had been 'pro-active' to suggest this. I was thinking premature (you can add the rest).
In regards to his insistence that he and I work together on some 'actions' regarding the elder child, I simply declined to be involved as it is between the two of them. This did not go over well and I was promptly accused of withdrawing a previous offer of support to him. AS IF! I made a terse rebuttal which was also not well received.
Then the slew of mish-mash including a request for an update on the high school applications (provided to him 4 weeks ago), an assault on the fact that Clare has missed two weeks of therapy (she needed a wee break) and a meager acceptance that he should be able to make the shared expenses on time this month.
It is very difficult not to engage but I've decided to view this as if it were a splinter. It's an annoyance. The removal causes temporary stinging but after a while, you forget about it. We all know that he will forget about it so it seems like my best investment is to let it go.
His response to my response regarding not adding his girlfriend to the pick-up list was that perhaps he had been 'pro-active' to suggest this. I was thinking premature (you can add the rest).
In regards to his insistence that he and I work together on some 'actions' regarding the elder child, I simply declined to be involved as it is between the two of them. This did not go over well and I was promptly accused of withdrawing a previous offer of support to him. AS IF! I made a terse rebuttal which was also not well received.
Then the slew of mish-mash including a request for an update on the high school applications (provided to him 4 weeks ago), an assault on the fact that Clare has missed two weeks of therapy (she needed a wee break) and a meager acceptance that he should be able to make the shared expenses on time this month.
It is very difficult not to engage but I've decided to view this as if it were a splinter. It's an annoyance. The removal causes temporary stinging but after a while, you forget about it. We all know that he will forget about it so it seems like my best investment is to let it go.
Monday, February 2, 2009
New girlfriend announcement
Just received 3, yes three, separate emails from the crazy man in the span of 4 minutes. That is either a record for him or he's been compiling drafts for days and just sent them all boom-boom-boom. The first one let me know that he introduced his new girlfriend to Frances, gave me the full scoop on the girlfriend including complete name, names of her children, her ex-husband's name. Then he said that he would be updating the after-school info to include this woman as someone who can pick up Frances. My head screamed "No", I don't know this woman and the point of that list is that they are known people to both of us. Not sure if I'm over reacting but my second-thoughts haven't come up with anything better.
The second and third emails were about Clare and the fact that it's been six weeks since she "decided not to come to (his) home" and that we "should start to work on some actions". There are some actions I would like to take but not with Clare.... electro-shock therapy is getting good reports these days, or perhaps alien abduction would be better as then he would be completely absent instead of just absent-minded. In one email he recognizes he needs to be patient and is not suggesting anything immediate, in the second email he suggests she participate in his birthday dinner (w/girlfriend) next week. If I point out the contradiction, he will just get pissy and then the aliens won't take him.
Totally open to suggestions on this one. Know that I have an open bottle of single malt on my counter waiting for me when I get home.
The second and third emails were about Clare and the fact that it's been six weeks since she "decided not to come to (his) home" and that we "should start to work on some actions". There are some actions I would like to take but not with Clare.... electro-shock therapy is getting good reports these days, or perhaps alien abduction would be better as then he would be completely absent instead of just absent-minded. In one email he recognizes he needs to be patient and is not suggesting anything immediate, in the second email he suggests she participate in his birthday dinner (w/girlfriend) next week. If I point out the contradiction, he will just get pissy and then the aliens won't take him.
Totally open to suggestions on this one. Know that I have an open bottle of single malt on my counter waiting for me when I get home.
Friday, January 23, 2009
This Old Car
It was the end of October that I received an email from the crazy man with an attachment showing that he was trying to transfer ownership of an old car we had into my name before donating it to PBS. The DMV assured me that this would not stick until I signed the form and paid the requisite fees.I was thorough in my explanation to him that 1. I would not get an additional tax credit on a car we had previously claimed as a business deduction, 2. you can't simply can't transfer a car without signatures and fees paid, 3. this created an unnecessary complication in donating the car and could potentially confuse the DMV to have two changes of ownership in a 48 hour period of time and 4. I would relinquish any rights to any value on that car. Apparently, he did not go through with the donation as he called last night and asked if I had received the title! Um, no : )
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Manipulation Gone Wrong
My chief complaint about myself is that I continually underestimate the manipulative capabilities of the crazy man. In this scene he has sent an email to the eldest to try to establish communication as she has been incommunicado since Dec. 18th. The email was a bit saccharine with all the predictable "I miss you and I'm hear for you" things and the eldest's immediate response was "Does he think this is a soap opera?" Well, certainly not as exciting as any Spanish soap opera we've seen. In this email he also wished her luck on her upcoming interview/audition for the high school of the arts. Oops. This caused what we call in the tech world a fatal error. The morning of this appointment the eldest woke up in an incorrigible mood and refused to go to said interview/audition. After 2 days of prodding I finally got a solid response which was that she didn't want to go just because he wanted her to. She had completely lost site of her personal interests in the school as this is the high school he has been actively pushing. Mind you, he's done nothing to support her preparation for this interview but it is the high school he's been advocating for. Tween backlash resulted in her not wanting to do anything that would please him.
Monday, January 5, 2009
You always say I don't listen
One of my many mantras with the crazy man is that he doesn't listen, I mean really listen. He claims I always say that when I'm not happy with what he's said. This is part true because usually his response is so disconnected from what I've said, it's clear he hasn't heard what I am saying.
He called last night to let me know he had made an appointment with a family therapist he is considering going to with the eldest. He asked me to recap what the issues are with the eldest. Now, after a solid week of talking to him every day about this, how could he not know what the issues are? Well, simple isn't it, he wasn't actually listening.
He called last night to let me know he had made an appointment with a family therapist he is considering going to with the eldest. He asked me to recap what the issues are with the eldest. Now, after a solid week of talking to him every day about this, how could he not know what the issues are? Well, simple isn't it, he wasn't actually listening.
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