Scariest all-time comment

When I first spoke with the crazy man about his eldest not wanting to see him, I explained that she had been very sad and ended up crying for 2 hours on Christmas Eve.
Crazy Man: "Why didn't you take her to the emergency room?"
Me: "What?"
Crazy Man: "Why didn't you take her to the emergency room? Anyone who cries for 2 hours straight should be taken to the emergency room."
Me: "Are you kidding me? She was sad, not a threat to herself or anyone else, and was consolable, why would I take her to the emergency room?"
Crazy Man: "Well, did you at least call the psychiatric hotline?"
Me: "No because, she was legitimately sad, was not a threat to herself or anyone else, and was consolable."

My therapist found this so disturbing that she is now recommending I fight for full custody.

New math

Prior to my divorce, the crazy man and I had an outstanding tax debt from a year in which he chose not to pay his taxes. Since our separation, all of my tax returns have gone directly towards that debt and we had an understanding that at some point this would result in my overpaying my half of the remaining debt. Every month I send an accounting report of how much I have overpaid and the usual response, if I get any at all, is that he will send me his accounting shortly (this has been going on for one year). I finally got him to accept that we needed to discuss a repayment schedule, I made some creative ideas, he was favorable, then nothing more was said until yesterday. Yesterday, I got the new math. For some reason, he felt he was owed reimbursement for a year in which we have no previous agreement on, in fact, we do have an agreement that states "from X date forward" and that is the date I have based my accounting on. In his new math, I would owe him money! Very clever.

He was blind-sided again

I made the dreaded call to tell the crazy man that his eldest daughter did not want to see him during his designated vacation week. He was, of course, blown away, didn't see it coming, and very confused; all standard for him since he has trouble paying attention. He insisted on seeing her immediately, completely disrespecting the issue that she did not want to see him. After a second heated discussion later in the day in which I was, expectedly, accused on 'putting her up to this' I found myself repeating "I don't know how you got to this place where your child doesn't want to see you" but to no avail, he refused to take any responsibility (also predictable). She ended up calling him, hoping that he would be open to listening but instead she got "what, are you severing all ties with me?" Poor thing just wanted a few extra days to get back in her body, nothing so final as severing all ties.

Merry effing xmas

The crazy man drops the kids off on Monday morning as planned; doesn't walk them up to the door, just drops them and drives off. The elder is in a bad mood, the younger seems fine. I am immediately bombarded with the story of how the younger got exactly what she wanted for Christmas but all the elder got was a picture of something she didn't want. As her disappointment was palpable, the story continued on to describe how her father was flummoxed by her disappointment, tried to convince her this was something she wanted and then proceeded on bugging her instead of giving her some space to process. By Wednesday night, she was bereft about her relationship with her father and cried for 2 hours declaring that she absolutely did not want to spend the following week with him (his designated time). Clearly this was the tipping point for something much larger. The reality being that the elder is 13+ and can now actively choose who she lives with and as her father is not making adequate attempts to have a solid relationship with this child, it will be his own undoing. But try explaining that to a crazy man.

Lack of consideration

I have been an active parent at my kids elementary school for many years and have been tapering off this involvement over the last year. I reluctantly continue on as the technology chair but was clear with the principal that this would only work if she improved her communication to me. In the previous year, money was spent on a large LCD projector for the computer lab without committee approval; the principal was talked into this by one of those type A patronizing father types. Of course, the LCD monitor was sexy but it remains not used because a projector (which I had requested in committee and had approved) works better for the computer lab teacher.

Now, you would think that people would communicate needs to the committee chair but in this case, it's very ad hoc and things happen randomly. Same type A dad recently announced he had done a lot of work in the lab (news to me) and that x, y, and z needed to happen. Of course, these things had already been discussed and were waiting for further input but he wouldn't know that since he didn't talk to me first. So, I congratulated him on being the new chair and offered my support!

His response was that he was willing to take the lead but not be in charge. Not sure what the difference is but then I am surrounded by crazy.

After-school vs. private school

An email arrived suggesting that for what we pay for after-school care for our youngest child, we should consider sending her to a private school. The gist of the rest of the message is that he has uncertain finances (nothing new) and is looking to save money. Hmm, let's see, $4000 for after-school vs. $20,000 for private school.

The lack of logic is obvious but the frustration for me is compounded by a previous discussion that our eldest would benefit greatly from private school due to her learning differences. This we are in agreement on however he cannot come prepared to any meeting to discuss what financial obligation he could make towards her education. It is very difficult for me to stay focused and not completely go ballistic when these situations arise however I know it is to my benefit, and my kids, to keep it together.